Thursday, December 8, 2011

On the fence

I have until January to make a decision if i will be staying with my current job.
I'm on the fence.

Some days i'm like "Let's start packing" and others are like "maybe I can tough it one more year".

The pro facts are :
  • I have a great job that I enjoy. 
  • The staff is really nice and we all get along.
  • In the long run, I might have a chance of taking over the business.
  • I work and live mostly in French which is nice.

The against fatcs are :
  • I hate Sturgeon falls, it is a retirement town.
  • I have no friends or life here (and I have tried)
  • My family is close but yet too far to just see them when I feel like it. I miss them.
  • My job offers no benefits or assurance coverage.
  • The pay won't be as better as i thought because of the small intake we get, the boss can't pay all that much more for the staff.
  • Did i mention I hate living in a village?

I feel like my professional and personal life are at war, and I don't know what to do.
If i stay, I have a good job....but i'm miserable when I'm not at work.
But if I go, will I be able to find a job just a good AND be happy in my personal life?
It doesn't mean I can get both....but it doesn't mean I can't either.

I keep thinking that I want to go back home (Barrie) because that's where my family is and a couple of friends. It's a big enough town that I can do things if i wanted too when I want too (at least stores don't close at 5pm there) and I can visit friends or family even after a day of work, even if it's for only an hour.
I could have someone to do things with rather then doing everything on my own all the time.
I have better chance of meeting someone that as graduated from highschool, heck from College at least and has better ambition and goals then going for a 4x4 drive in the mud.

I just feel like a recluse where I am now. I love going to work, but I dread going back home for fear of boredom and depression. I recently joined the gym and I have tried to make friends with some of the girls in the classes...but when I try to talk with them, it's as if they are afraid of talking to strangers and just shrug off my attempts to befriend them.Everyone my age are gone to bigger cities, the ones that stayed are welfare, 3 kids, alcool and drugs people.The ones I meet that are O.K, are too busy with their own life to try to include me and when we are together, we have nothing in common because they have never gotten out of the village, for them North Bay is a huge city and exotic food is pan pizza. I've tried to find common grounds, but I'm tired of getting blank stares if I talk about things beside farms, snow and sturgeon falls' poutine.
How am I suppose to date anyone, if all the guys left here have barely graduated from Highschool and spend half the year in the woods hunting (yuck!)
I feel rather lonely here...but i'm happy at work.
But if i go back home, living cost will be bigger, work will be longer (bigger city, more calls) will I find a job that I enjoy as much or be stuck with people I hate working with?

So i have to give an answer on whether I will be staying or not in June.
Am I willing to sacrifice my good job in order to possibly escape depression and find another awesome job.

I was told People go through life hating their job, but I'm lucky  i have a job I love. To suck it up....

but that's the thing..I dread making the decision of staying any longer. I don't want to get sucked in into making my life here. Yes i love my job, but like I said....i'm lonely

should I just tough it up one more year......is that more reasonable? Be a responsible adult, pay off my loan because the cost of living here is cheaper. Have the security of a job with people I already know. Won't have to relearn the ways things are done at a new place. take a easy way.

or should I just challenge myself of finding another suitable job. Perhaps move back home, or rent a crappy appartment in the city. Relearn the way of doing everything because they might do things differently. Meet new people and gain their trust. But have a life that doesn't revolve around work only.

I have to give my answer in January...in 3 weeks.
Also if i am leaving, i need to start sending off my resume to other places in order to get considered for a job before they all hire interns.

I don't know anymore.
My voice of reason is just as confused as me...

The problem is that now I can't just run off to Japan to escape making decision about my future....i wish i could though.

1 comment:

Claire said...

leaveleaveleaveleaveleave.
no good to be trapped. you'll definitely find another job that you love somewhere else.