Monday, October 13, 2014

There's been a change in me.

Well Hello there!
It's been a while and a lot has changed or is in the process of changing since the last time I wrote here.
If i remember, my last few posts were rather depressing.

Well, I decided to make a change in that.

Back in June, my work probation ended, and I wasn't doing too well mentally. So I took up the courage to ask for a change at work. I went from full-time work to Part-time work (so 48hrs a week to 21hrs a week). With all that free time on hand, I decided to get healthier mentally.
Well, I started taking care of my niece and nephew twice a week. This way, my sister was able to work on her PHD Thessis and what-not (sorry, I don't understand all that university mambo-jimbo lol)

I also requested an adjustment to my medication, because obviously, they weren't working. So now I am on a completely different medication and it's going better. I sleep better and feel mentally better.
I also had an evaluation of my mental illness. Turns out that the main issue isn't Depression, but Sever Social Anxiety. My anxiety causes my depression and vice versa. So my new medication helps mostly with anxiety rather then depression. Anyways, it was kinda nice to know that not everything is lost!

About 4 weeks ago, I also started working out. I started the Insanity programm by Shaun T of Beachbody. And well, it is IN-SANE! but hey! 4 weeks later and i'm still doing it! Basically it is 9 weeks (60 days) workout, everyday (except for 1 day off a week). Lots of Cardio!!! I'm hopinh to be able to finish it!
Today I started week 4 and I'm starting to see physical changes, so GO ME! (I will probably do a post about my workout another day).

But the biggest changes I had so far was that....I was laid off at work. After working Part-time for a couple of months, they realized that the business is not "busy' enough and they can't afford to keep me (or so they said). So now I am unemployed.

It was a shock at first. I cried. But by the time I drove back home with all my things in a box and a paycheck for the next 2 weeks...I felt better. In a weird way, I'm kinda glad I was let go. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED my job....for one part...and DISLIKED the rest of it. Most of my anxiety issues were being related back to my really, it's almost a blessing in disguised.
I am keeping my license, and I will offer my skills as an embalmer, but I won't make it a career anymore.

So What am I going to do? Well, after spending a whole day looking for a temporary job, I realized that maybe I should go back to school. I have the experience and skills to work as a Child Educator, or Teacher Assistant. I am going back and forth between Colleges right now, to find the right fit for me. But one thing, I am staying close to home. I am lucky to have a place to stay for free and a family to support my decision to go back to school, so i'd be crazy to throw this out.

So this is were I'm at. 30 years old, unemployed, ready to go back to school for the 3rd time! Hey like they say "3rd time a charm" right?

I may not be were I was picturing myself to be by this time, but I don't have regrets. I had a great experience in the Funeral Business but maybe it's just not the right thing for me, and that's O.K. Maybe one day i'll go back to it, but right now I don't think it is the right thing for me considering my mental state.

So wish me luck, I hoping all these new changes will bring some positive energy on my side.

Oh and I started going to a Buddhist Temple for Meditation ;-)